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| By guest blogger April |
Over the past month, I’ve kept myself busy and distracted.
Instead of dwelling on the baby we lost, I’ve been focusing on improving my
health, career, and relationships. I was starting to think that I was healing
from the miscarriage faster than I expected. Then, this week happened…
It all started off with a piece of mail and a family game
night. The hospital finally sent the bill for the surgery, and that little
piece of paper brought back all the emotions I’ve been avoiding. Later that
night, I was forced to spend hours next to my sister-in-law’s adorable pregnant
belly. Our babies were supposed to be three months apart. It’s hard not to
think about how big our baby would be right now every time I see how much her
belly has grown.
The next day, I had to go to my follow-up appointment for
the D&C. When I first got there, I was the only patient in the waiting
room, so I sat quietly enjoying the calming music and an old magazine. I tried
not to think about the reason why I was sitting in that waiting room. Then,
three pregnant couples came in and changed everything. They were talking about
where they plan to deliver and looking at photo albums of cute babies the
doctor had previously delivered. As they all basked in the glory of expecting,
I sat there trying to fight back tears.
The only thing that kept me from sobbing in the middle of
that waiting room was yoga breathing. I put my hand on my belly and focused on
slowly inhaling and exhaling. I learnt that it is extremely difficult to cry
and breathe properly at the same time. I might have looked a bit silly since I
prefer to close my eyes when I’m focusing on my breathing, but it was less
embarrassing that crying about my miscarriage in front of several happy
pregnant couples.
I learnt two things this month: 1) Healing takes time. Most
days I’m strong and moving forward, but sometimes, little things like a
pregnant woman’s belly or hospital bill can bring on the waterworks. 2) Yoga
truly is relaxing and medicinal. When I feel like I’m losing control, I
remember the things that yoga has taught me: relaxation, focus, awareness,
balance, and strength. Yoga reminds me that there is nothing I can’t handle.
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