|By guest blogger April|
Over the past month, I’ve kept myself busy and distracted. Instead of dwelling on the baby we lost, I’ve been focusing on improving my health, career, and relationships. I was starting to think that I was healing from the miscarriage faster than I expected. Then, this week happened…
It all started off with a piece of mail and a family game night. The hospital finally sent the bill for the surgery, and that little piece of paper brought back all the emotions I’ve been avoiding. Later that night, I was forced to spend hours next to my sister-in-law’s adorable pregnant belly. Our babies were supposed to be three months apart. It’s hard not to think about how big our baby would be right now every time I see how much her belly has grown.
The next day, I had to go to my follow-up appointment for the D&C. When I first got there, I was the only patient in the waiting room, so I sat quietly enjoying the calming music and an old magazine. I tried not to think about the reason why I was sitting in that waiting room. Then, three pregnant couples came in and changed everything. They were talking about where they plan to deliver and looking at photo albums of cute babies the doctor had previously delivered. As they all basked in the glory of expecting, I sat there trying to fight back tears.
The only thing that kept me from sobbing in the middle of that waiting room was yoga breathing. I put my hand on my belly and focused on slowly inhaling and exhaling. I learnt that it is extremely difficult to cry and breathe properly at the same time. I might have looked a bit silly since I prefer to close my eyes when I’m focusing on my breathing, but it was less embarrassing that crying about my miscarriage in front of several happy pregnant couples.
I learnt two things this month: 1) Healing takes time. Most days I’m strong and moving forward, but sometimes, little things like a pregnant woman’s belly or hospital bill can bring on the waterworks. 2) Yoga truly is relaxing and medicinal. When I feel like I’m losing control, I remember the things that yoga has taught me: relaxation, focus, awareness, balance, and strength. Yoga reminds me that there is nothing I can’t handle.